You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
