what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
