I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
