Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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