Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just cropdusted the office
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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