Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
