How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
