Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dicks are not precious.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
