i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
