Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
