apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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