her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
