Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
soo... how was my night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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