I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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