Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
