My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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