p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My ass is underappreciated
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
