My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
