I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
