i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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