What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
