i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
