Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
