Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
