I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
