Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
