I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
