I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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