I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize