If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
