Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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