I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
