Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
