So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
