He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
