I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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