69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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