My friends, they love my intelligence
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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