Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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