wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
