I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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