Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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