Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry about my life...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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