My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
