Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
