The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
