I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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