new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
