She said her name was "party"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
