are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
