My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
