Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
