I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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