Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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