Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
