you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
