is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was confusing and full of hummus
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
