Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
