She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
