maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
