whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
