our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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