Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
