I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
