dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
last night I used snow as a chaser
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
