I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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