Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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