1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
