I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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