Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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