Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
