I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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