I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
