She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
