come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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