No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
